Friday, February 7, 2014

Microwave Massacre - Gourmet Murder in Minutes!

Microwave Massacre
Directed by Wayne Berwick
Written by: Thomas Singer (screenplay) Craig Muckler (story)
Starring: Jackie Vernon, Loren Schein & Al Troupe

Unrated - Runtime Approx 76 Min.


Alternate Titles:
La masacre del microondas (The Slaughter of the Microwave)  Spain
Γεύματα φρίκης (Meals Horror)  Greece

Mikrofalowe morderstwo  (Microwave Murder)  Poland

"M-M-M-May?  In the microwave?"

One of the classics of the VHS era, I don't think that there was a Mom & Pop video store around that didn't have this one in their horror section.  I can only imagine how many horror freaks like me saw this awesome Thriller Video box and imagined a visceral and gory romp.

Technically May gave Donald crabs...heh heh....
Yeah, yeah, I'm immature.

May serves up some ungodly gourmet creation

What we get instead is basically a screwball comedy with some gore effects.  The film follows a construction worked named Donald (played by none other than Jackie Vernon who was the voice of Frosty the Snowman!) whose wife, May, has decided that she will only cook gourmet meals with her brand new top of the line microwave.  Poor Donald just wants something plain and easy to eat.

After their fight, May goes to pieces.
I wonder if he wants to hold the MAY-o
Jesus the jokes are bad this time around, aren't they?

A guy can only take so much and after coming home drunk one night and finding that May has yet again cooked an inedible conglomeration of so called gourmet ingredients.  After a fight and demanding a bologna sandwich, Donald kills May in a drunken rage.  When he wakes up in the morning he has no recollection of what he's done.  He's not all that distraught when he discovers that he's shoved his dead wife in her beloved microwave.  Trying to hide the evidence, Donald cuts her up and hides her remains in the freezer.

One night he accidentally eats a bit of her arm and finds her quite tasty.  He lets his work buddies try some of the May Meat and they love it, though they do say it tastes a bit "old".  Thus begins Donald's killing spree....finding young nubile women, bringing them home, banging them and then turning them into meat dishes!silly puts the moves on his first


It is a little weird listening to Frosty the Snowman as he talks to his therapist, telling him how he can't get off unless he eats the woman afterwards.  Literally, eats her.  Other funny moments include Donald having dreams of making sandwiches out of naked women lying on his kitchen table, complete with giant slices of bread and giant knife with mayonnaise!

Dinner's Ready!

Midnight Cinephile Tally

Death Toll:  In total we've got five deaths here!  Not bad....not good, but not bad.

Nude O Meter:  We've got a good three pair of boobs to oogle here!

Things That Go Bump In The Night:  Donald the Cannibalistic Microwave Murderer!

Final Thoughts
To be perfectly honest, while it was good for a laugh I can't see myself going back to revisit this movie often.  It's got everything that I should love in a trash flick, boobs, body parts and a ridiculous premise (not to mention the voice of Frosty as a serial killer!), yet I found myself not having that much fun with it.  Definitely an all to typical case of the amazing box art outshining the movie, but hey, I'm still glad I saw it!

Final Rating
Two out of Five Pizza Rolls


  1. I ever so dimly recall being crushed by disappointment when I watched this as a youth. Check the Dog Farm for a post promoting my buddy JD's Horror Packs. It's for charity, and I think some of the content may appeal to you. I'm particularly looking forward to Colony. From JD's description: "weird 90′s cult sci-fi/horror film COLONY, where a man is contaminated with an experimental liquid that causes his limbs to detach from his body and come to life separately". Sounds good, right? And I can find almost no other info about it.

  2. To be perfectly honest the biggest draw for this film is closing your eyes and listening to Frosty the Snowman threaten his wife and try and seduce prostitutes and other nubile young victims that he wants to cook and eat. It's really kinda weird!

    Colony sounds amazing! I will head on over and check that out! I am all about weird and wonky old 90's cult sci-fi/horror flicks!