Curse of the Cannibal Confederates - And You Thought Redneck Zombies Was Bad!!!!!

Curse of the Cannibal Confederates
1982
Directed by Tony Malanowski
Written by Tony Malanowski & Lon Huber
Starring Steve Sandkuhler, Christopher Gummer & Rebecca Bach


Tag Lines:

The South Shall Rise Again ..... and Again.....and Again

It took over 100 years...But Johnny got even!

Alternate Titles:
Curse of the Screaming Dead (VHS Title)
Curse of the Confederate Cannibals



Releases:
Theatrical:  Nope
VHS:  Mogul (as Curse of the Screaming Dead); Video Explosion (Australia); TCC (Japan); Troma
DVD:  Troma
Streaming:  Negative, good buddy.  If you wanna watch this one, you'll have to actually acquire physical media!

"It is well that war is so terrible, else we should grow too fond of it."
 - General Lee

If the tombstone's a rockin' don't come a knockin'!

Believe it or not I've watched this one a few times.  Most recently when a friend of mine stated that he wanted to watch a "bad" movie.  Feeling particularly cheeky, I pulled this little gem out and BOOM, just like that, another poor soul was exposed to The Curse of the Cannibal Confederates.  This movie gets a bad rap and I'll admit that it's a pretty wonky little flick, but there is still something about it that I can't help but love.  Perhaps it's the acting, maybe it's the pasty faced confederate zombies......maybe it's the cheap ass tombstones that wiggle around in the graveyard.

Our intrepid group of heroes.  Bikini's huh?  Good idea for a camping/hunting trip.

Mel doing what he does best:  Taking things that don't belong to him!

The "story" as it were follows a group of deer hunters and their girlfriends who go on a weekend camping trip.  I am not going to even pretend to know everyone's name....but they look like rejects from a Boston/BeeGee's tribute band.  Along for the trip are their girlfriends, including a blind girl, who I didn't even realize was blind the first time I watched it.  I totally missed that right int he opening credits, she's listed as "Blind Kiyomi"!

Doesn't camping look fun?  

Blind Kiyomi hears bells out in the woods and Mel (the klepto) goes to investigate.  He comes across a graveyard and an old church.  Inside the church he finds a box that contains a confederate flag and a leather diary.  Naturally, he takes the diary.  This apparently pisses off the long dead soldiers and they rise from the grave, pursuing the group and trying to munch on their guts.  It does not end well for the group.

Nom nom nom nom nom nom nom nom.........

The action (what little there is of it) is heavily padded out with long scenes of wandering around and bizarre and poorly acted dialog.  Half of the cast looks like they're reading off of cue cards.  All of them act as if they're in a high school play.  These aren't complaints though.....these are the very things that make it a surreal little time waster.

Yep...cause that's what zombies do.......choke people out......um.....huh?

Lloyd Kaufman stated that this is one of the top five worst films in the Troma library.  I can only imagine that Actium Maximus must rank number one on that list.  Shot entirely in Maryland, Cannibal Confederates is said to be a remake of Night of Horror, which was also directed and written by Malanowski and Co.

Tonny Starke????  Whew, for a second I thought Iron Man was buried here.  

Midnite Cinephile Tally:

Body Count:  5.  Most of the campers and one cop get munched on.

Boob Count:  Nope.  We do get the girls in some bikinis though.  Which is weird in the woods.

Beast Count:  There's a bunch of undead rebels rising from the grave.  Some have the white face paint...others are of the rubber masked variety.  It's fun when they explode though.

Final Thoughts:
I don't know why this gets as bad a rap as it does.  There are far worse films out there.  Don't get me wrong, this isn't a good movie by any stretch of the imagination, but I'd sooner watch this than I would subject myself to any of the Twilight movies!  If you like goofy zombie flicks and want to watch a regional flick that is chock full of hilarious dialog and bad acting, you can't go wrong here.  With some booze, snacks and like-minded friends, this is a home version of Mystery Science Theater 3000 just waiting to happen!  DIG IN!

Final Rating:
TWO OUT OF FIVE PIZZA ROLLS

Attack of the Killer Refrigerator - The Icebox Cometh

Attack of the Killer Refrigerator
1990
Directed by Michael Savino
Written by Michael Savino, Mark Veau
Starring Lori Regonini, Christina Murphy, Michael Savino




Tag Line:
Oh No!!  I Just HATE Cold Cuts!!




Alternative Title:
Attack of the Killer Refridgerator

Yep....This is gonna be GOOD!

This little gem was a staple at Mom & Pop video stores across this great land of ours, and of course, my beloved Video Paradise was no different.  The cover art is pure cheese and it really ignited my young and impressionable imagination.  I wanted desperately to see what a killer refrigerator movie was like.  Sadly, the film vanished from the shelves before I was old enough to rent it myself.  That title stuck in my head for a long time though and it was only recently has it come back to haunt me.  I sat down tonight to watch this little SOV cheddar-fest and at long last, after nearly 25 years, I was able to see a refrigerator go on a killing spree.  My life is now complete.

Partaaaaaaay!

So what's up with this film....what's it like?  It's like....really....really.....REALLY cheap.  And I love it.  The film opens with a college party.....a guy is telling his girlfriend about how ever since they de-iced the freezer in the refrigerator, they've been getting a weird vibe from it.  There are strange noises that the neighbors are complaining about as well.  DUN DUN DUUUUUNNNNNNN!!!!!

Om nom nom nom nom nom

The party clears out leaving our two heroes (?!) to retire to their respective bedrooms with their girlfriends.  This is when our evil fridge strikes.  One by one, the kids are killed by the vengeful appliance.  Limbs are ripped off, there's an impalement by door handle, and apparently the refrigerator has some psychic abilities as well, because it's able to psychically push one guys against the wall with a decent amount of force!  The ending of the film is at once completely ridiculous and absolutely, brilliantly hilarious.

He can totally.......HANDLE this!

While researching this film a bit, I found out that it was actually made in my hometown of Worcester, MA by some students at Worcester State University.  It was shot in 1984, and then managed to get a VHS release (along with another of the Student's films, The Hook of Woodland Heights) in 1990.  I'm currently trying to track down Mr Savino for an interview.

MIDNIGHT CINEPHILE TALLY

Body Count:  We get a total of four here, which considering the films 15 minute runtime ain't half bad!  There is some gore as well, such as the aforementioned limb ripping and impalement.  The blood is pretty cheap looking, but that really adds to the SOV charm of it all.

Nude-O-Meter:  Well, there's no boobs, but we do see Michael Savino's naked rear end.

Monster's Gallery:  There's a Killer Refrigerator! Or Refridgerator, if ya wanna spell it like they do on the title card.  This is one mean piece of kitchen appliance.  It's got psychic powers, it's got a powerful jaw like door that can't rip limbs off.  It can use it's door handle like a horn and impale it's victims with it.  There is some odd colored smoke and light that emanates from it's insides as well.  Maybe it's some kinda college kid attracting pheromone ...who knows!  Point is.....it's a dang killer!


FINAL THOUGHT

I had an absolute blast with this.  First of all, it's a scant 15 minutes, so there isn't much time to get to know the characters.  They are simply canon (fridge) fodder.  It doesn't take long for the killings to start, which means that there isn't much time to get bored.  The killings are creative enough and like I said above, the gore is cheap as all get out, which really lends to some of the charm of the film.  What really intrigues me is the fact that this is homegrown horror that got itself a VHS release.  I will continue to dig up info on this and (hopefully) get in contact with Mr. Savino for an interview.

FINAL RATING
Three out of Five Pizza Rolls

Must Be The Season of the Witch

As I'm sure you know, cinema is cyclical in nature.  Once something catches on, a whole cycle of films has to run it's course before the next big thing hits.  This is especially true in the horror genre.  You've got your 80's slasher boom, for a time in the early 2000's vampires were all the rage....and of course there is the endless onslaught of zombie films that are still clogging up Netflix.  So what's the next big cinematic baddie?  I think it's going to be Witches!  Not cute little British moppets.....I'm talking Witches.  Nasty, mean, horrible witches.

Of course, I also thought the same thing when The Blair Witch project came out.....turns out that was the start of the found footage craze instead.  But I digress.....witches seem to be on the upswing.  First we had Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters.....which took an action Snow White and the Huntsmen type approach to the Hansel & Gretel story.  Sam Raimi's Oz The Great and Powerful gave us not only the origin of the great and powerful wizard, but also the tragic beginnings of the Wicked Witch of the West.  Opening this Friday is Rob Zombie's Lords of Salem, which is set to open this Friday (April 19th) and looks like it's going to be a wild, witchy ride.

In February, there was also the teeny bopper flick Beautiful Creatures....which (WITCH!  I did it again!) is essentially a Twilight wannabe for the tween audiences.  But still, that translates into buckazoids in Hollywood, which translates into more Witch flicks for us!  So, I suppose it's a necessary  evil.

There is also a whole slew of broom flyin' flicks comin' our way in the upcoming months and year:  Abigail's Giant, Bell Book & Candle, Bell Witch, Man-Witch (Sloppy Joe, the Man-Witch?  HEY-OH!), A film adaptation of Wicked  and a remake of The Witches are all coming down the pike soon with no release dates announced.

Lords of Magic and The Seventh Son both come out later this year, both dealing with the dark arts....and at some point in 2014 we get The Last Witchhunter.

Whew!  That is a shit ton of warts and cauldrons comin' at us!

Also, the upcoming third season of American Horror Story apparently carries the subtitle of Coven, which (Witch?!) is leading me to believe it will be a witchcraft based story.  I've gotta tell ya, I'm pretty excited by the idea of Witches making a comeback in cinema.  I loved all the witchcraft movies of the 60's and early 70's and there's nothing like a well told witch story.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm gonna go watch Black Sunday.

I've Finally Decided My Future Lies Beyond The YELLOWBRICKROAD

America is full of creepy legends.  Tales of curses and mysterious vanishings.  Perhaps one of the most unsettling is the story of the Lost Colony of Roanoke.  You know the tale.....an entire settlement vanishes without a trace and the only clue is the word "Croatoan" carved into a post.  I can vividly remember the icy chills running down my back when I first learned of this in school.  I remember walking home from school with my best friend and discussing what we thought may have happened to the Colonists.  Our minds concocted all sorts of horrifying scenarios.  It was a Friday afternoon and it was overcast and drizzling on our walk home.  I remember this strange feeling in the pit of my stomach that stayed with me long after the school bell rang.  It was an unsettling mystery that I just couldn't get out of my head, and I became addicted to the unexplained.

So what does that have to do with this film?  In a sense, everything.  The film starts in documentary fashion as a narrator informs us, over a series of black and white stills, that one morning in 1940, the entire population of Friar, New Hampshire abandoned their town, their homes and their belongings (even their dogs....just tied them up and left them!) and started up a mountain trail.  They just left without any explanation and they did not return.  Search parties found some of the townsfolk dead from exposure.  Some where horrifically murdered and mutilated.  Some were not found at all.  There was one survivor, but he was completely mad and of no use for an explaination.  The mystery of Friar, NH was quietly swept under the rug, so to speak, and life returned to normal.

Flash forward to present day when our protagonist Teddy is searching for answers to the missing Friar residents.  Unclassified documents are released to him by the town and he puts together an expedition in the uncharted wilds of New Hampshire to discover what happened to the townsfolk seventy years before.  They've got the latest and greatest in equipment and they are ready for anything....or so they think.

Once our intrepid explorers get to town, they are confused and angered to discover that the coordinates to the trail that they are given lead them to the town cinema, where they don't get a very warm reception.  Apparently no one in town is very happy that these folks are dredging up the past.  It seems that the trip is over before beginning until Teddy talks to with the popcorn girl.  Apparently her Grandfather used to spent some time in Friar before the incident and he told her stories and he also told her where the trail was.  She will lead the group to the trail if they let her tag along.

Once on the trail, things start to go south pretty quickly as their equipment starts to fail.  In this day and age of constant reliance on our handy technology, this is not a good thing.  Soon, the group starts to hear strange sounds emanating from the forest.  When the sounds first started, I (and the characters) could not quite figure out what I was hearing, but it very quickly becomes focused and it is clear that we are listening to 1940's style pop music.  Which, is quite odd considering that they are about 5 days out from civilization.  The music becomes it's own character and this is the real catalyst for each character's mental unraveling.  

I don't want to ruin this film for you, because it truly is best experienced without knowing too much, but I will tell you this:  You need to go into this movie with an open mind.  It is a slow burn and it does a fantastic job of slowly ratcheting up the creep factor.  By midway through the film, I was incredibly unsettled and it just got more intense from there.  The music is used to fantastic effect and in one scene is almost unbearable.  

This is not a cinema-verite style film, but instead the camera makes you feel like you are one of the expedition and at times wonder if you yourself aren't going mad.

I finished watching this movie about eight hours ago, and I've still got an unsettled feeling lingering from it.  After we finished watching (on Netflix) we decided to toss a comedy in to cleanse our cinematic palette, which I am quite glad we did.  The film is quite haunting and you will mull it around in your head for hours after you've seen it.

Highly recommended.
One last note:  The film brilliantly pays homage to The Wizard of Oz in many ways.  A lot of fun can be had trying to catch all the references.

Unexpected Horrors - Part II

It's time for Round 2 of Unexpected Horrors!  Yes, those little bits of cinematic terror that spring out at you when you're lease expecting them.  Let's jump right in, shall we?

Superman III - RoboVera

Holy hell...this scared the ever lovin' crap out of me when I was a kid.  There i was, cheering on The Man of Steel....he just finished fighting his own evil self (which was kinda creepy in it's own right....and probably the closest we'll ever get to a cinematic Bizarro!) and he was back in bright colors fighting for truth, justice and the American Way.  He tracked Ross Webster and gang to their Supercomputer hideout and things start to go sour.  The computer (designed by super-genius Gus Gorman!) basically goes all Skynet and takes on a life of it's own.  Unfortunately for Ross's sister, Vera, she's snagged by the computer's tracker beam and turned into a horrifying cyborg with some computer super powers.  I was horrified.  That damned robotic nightmare plagued my dreams for weeks.  

The Princess Bride - R.O.U.S

Rob Reiner's seminal fairy tale has it all:  Adventure, Revenge, Love......and the dreaded ROUS's.  What's an ROUS?  Rodent Of Unusual Size, if you must know.....denizens of the dreaded Fire Swamp!  After Wesley (whom we just found out was alive!) and Buttercup roll down a giant hillside, they escape Prince Humperdink's forces by running into said Fire Swamp.  Immediately after she asks him if they should be worried about the ROUS's, Wesley replies he does think they exist.  Que a big ol' nasty ROUS jumping and attacking Wesley.  These rats freakin' huge and nasty and if you get scared by a li'l ol' rat in a sewer, you are completely screwed if you come across one of these!

Oliver! -  Bill Sikes

If you've seen the wonderful 1968 film, then you know exactly what I'm talking about.  The inimitable Oliver Reed plays the incredibly creepy Bill Sikes.  This man makes your skin crawl from the get-go, but as the film wears on, you realize that this guy isn't just a hard ass criminal....he's a bad man....he's a very bad man (to quote Billy Mumy).  Towards the end of the film, Bill goes full on Jack the Ripper and we're fully well aware that we are in the presence of a man who will do horrible things to anyone who gets in his way.  

Evil Dead (2013) Oh Yes, There Is Blood.....So....Much.....Blood.

Remakes get a bum rap these days.  The second a remake is announced, internet trolls the world over flock to their computers and start their campaigns against said film.  It happens every time and this film was no different.

Personally, I don't mind remakes.....which puts me pretty much in a class by myself, from what I can tell.  I thought the '03 Texas Chainsaw Massacre was brilliant.  I really enjoyed the '09 Friday the 13th reboot.  The '10 re-imagining of A Nightmare on Elm Street, while not my favorite film, still had it's moments.  I will admit that I didn't like the '05 remake of The Fog.....the ending just killed it for me.  But there were still some fun moments in it.

Okay so, now you know....I like remakes.  This one is no different.  I had an absolute blast with this film.  It is everything that I expected it would be.....which is wall to wall gore in a dirty little cabin in the woods!  Holy hell....director Fede Alvarez certainly did not spare any of the red stuff!  Though I will say that I have seen bloodier....but more on that in a bit.

In this edition, we five five twenty-somethings gathered at the now infamous cabin to help their friend, Mia kick her drug habit cold turkey.  Her brother, David has even shown up to help.  He's a bit estranged from the group....something that isn't quite explored....but to be honest, if I wanted a character study, I'd watch something else.  We do find out that this isn't the first time that Mia has tried to quite her drug habit.  The last time, she caved after only a few hours.....so it is decided that no matter how she begs and pleads, they will not allow her to leave.

I don't want to give away too much here.  I think a big part of the fun of this film is seeing how they've come up with new ways for things to happen.  Suffice to say they find the book (and a Boomstick....er....shotgun) in the basement.  It's covered in a garbage bag and completely wrapped in barbed wire.  Written in the pages are warnings:  Don't Read The Words....... Don't Speak The Words...... Don't Hear The Words.  So what is the first thing ya wanna do?   READ THEM WORDS OUT LOUD!

Well, that's just what Eric (who is a science teacher?!) does.  Yup.  He's THAT guy.  Way to go dude.  Sadly Mia is the one who runs afoul of the demons first....which her friends mistake as withdrawal hallucinations and ploys to get away from the cabin.  By the time they realize that it's too late......well.....it's too damn late!

There are some really fun nods to the original films, such as Ash's car rusting out back.  Is it Ash's?  Nobody said it was......but nobody said it WASN'T either!  The cabin looks great and the surrounding woods are equally foreboding....giving the film a very dismal atmosphere.  Nothing nice happens to anyone in this film at any point in time for it's 91 minute running time.

Now what's this about all the blood you've been hearing about?  Well, my little gore-hounds....if it's blood you want, it's blood you shall get!  In spades!  All the weaponry you would expect is here...chainsaw, machete, electric carving knife, nail gun, crow bar, Boomstick......er.....shotgun!  The last 10 minutes of the film are a sight to behold.  Quite possibly one of the goriest climaxes that I've seen in a long time.  Is it the bloodiest film ever?  Probably not, but there is PLENTY of the crimson goods on display here.

I'll be looking forward to the Blu Ray release, which I'm hoping will feature an unrated cut, upping the gore quotient (cause I'm a sick dude like that).  Now if you'll excuse me, I have a weekend in the woods to plan.....

The Problem With Horror Elitists and the Self Appointed Critics or, Roger Ebert Would Be Ashamed of You.

“It's easy to attack and destroy an act of creation. It's a lot more difficult to perform one.”  
 ― Chuck Palahniuk

If you know me, then you know that I have long harbored a distaste for critics.  I have never been able to wrap my mind around the idea that someone can cut apart a work of art that he or she has not created to begin with.  Sure, it's fine to have an opinion about something and it's perfectly fine to not like it, however I don not think it is fine to rip apart someone else's work and make statements that you are not qualified to make.

Isn't Midnight Cinephile a review site, henceforth, aren't you a critic?  Well, yes, it is.....but do I view myself as a critic?  No, I do not.  I am a fan of cinema, and I enjoy talking about it.  However, I see absolutely no merit in blatantly insulting a movie that I do not like just to seem witty.  If I don't like a film, that's just fine.  It doesn't make it a bad film, necessarily.  It makes it a film that I don't care for.  People have different tastes, end of story.


Now I must come clean here about something:  Back in November of 2012, I published a scathing review of the film ATM.  I just re-read it and I must say that I am thoroughly ashamed of that review and I have subsequently removed.  Suffice to say that I did not like the film.....but that is no excuse for the review that I posted.  It was downright nasty and mean spirited and I would like to apologize to the filmmakers for the comments that I made, as they were uncalled for and completely unprofessional.  So to David Brooks (Director) and Chris Sparling (Writer) I am truly sorry.


I feel better getting that off my chest.



“[If] you are ready enough to pull my knitting to pieces, but provide none of your own, the only sock is a sock in the jaw!” 
― J.R. Ackerley



So what's going on here?  What's with this rant?  Well, I'll tell you what it's about:  The Evil Dead remake.  I have been been absolutely and completely disgusted with the venom that has spewed forth in the wake of the films premier.  Now this certainly isn't the first time that a film has received a severe backlash after it's release....but this one really bugs me, so here I am on my soap box, shaking my fist and defying self righteous cynical elitist horror snobs.  Yeah, that's right, I said elitists.  I am so tired of these keyboard cowboys sitting upon their high horses and spitting out the same sarcasm and trying to seem oh-so-witty while tearing apart the latest horror films.


Even worse than this are these so called critics who outright insult the people who enjoy said films in question, saying such things as their unhappiness with the "unprecedented willingness today of fans who celebrate utter shit and meaningless tripe" and asking questions such as "who over the age of 30 actually expects one of these remakes to be any good?"  I find that extremely insulting.  So because I'm over thirty and I enjoyed the film, I'm immature?  Well fuck you very much!

What disgusted me even more than this was when a positive review was posted by a well known horror magazine editor, he was blatantly attacked and called a sell-out.  This is purely disgusting and I cannot stand to be associated with such acts of contempt and ineptitude.

To be honest, if I get myself too wound up, this post will never end....and life is too short to keep all that negativity flowing.  However, I found that each time I tried to review Evil Dead, I started to veer off into rants and tantrums about these negative forces in the horror community and was unable to get to the meat and potatoes of the film.  So henceforth, you get this this rant.

And so I will leave you with this quote from J.R.R. Tolkien.  I think it sums everything up quite nicely.  Quite simply put:  No matter what form of art it is: film, music, literature, paint, sculpture, etc....someone put themselves into it.  It means something to them.  Maybe it doesn't speak to you personally, but that does not diminish the art in any way shape or form.  Hurling vile insults at it only shows your shortcomings and your own weaknesses.  Until you can produce a piece of similar art that can defy harsh criticism, shut the fuck up and get off your god-damned high horse, you self righteous bunch of whiny little bitches.

Okay.  That oughta do it.  Here's that quote I promised you:




“A man inherited a field in which was an accumulation of old stone, part of an older hall. Of the old stone some had already been used in building the house in which he actually lived, not far from the old house of his fathers. Of the rest he took some and built a tower. But his friends coming perceived at once (without troubling to climb the steps) that these stones had formerly belonged to a more ancient building. So they pushed the tower over, with no little labor, and in order to look for hidden carvings and inscriptions, or to discover whence the man's distant forefathers had obtained their building material. Some suspecting a deposit of coal under the soil began to dig for it, and forgot even the stones. They all said: 'This tower is most interesting.' But they also said (after pushing it over): 'What a muddle it is in!' And even the man's own descendants, who might have been expected to consider what he had been about, were heard to murmur: 'He is such an odd fellow! Imagine using these old stones just to build a nonsensical tower! Why did not he restore the old house? he had no sense of proportion.' But from the top of that tower the man had been able to look out upon the sea.” 
― J.R.R. Tolkien, Beowulf and the Critics

CineBites - The Chernobyl Diaries

I was really interested in seeing The Chernobyl Diaries when it first came out.  I've always been interested in the Chernobyl disaster and especially Prypiat, the now ghost town that housed many of Chernobyl's workers and families.  When the accident occurred  approximately forty-nine thousand people were evacuated in two days.  The exact death toll, is disputed, but from what I've read it's in the hundreds of thousands (counting after effects).

The film follows a group of Americans who take an "Extreme Tour" of Prypiat given by a fellow named Uri, who owns his own little rinki-dink tour racket.  When they arrive at the guarded gates, Uri tries to persuade the guards to let them in, but it denied.  Uri, however, being the crafty one that he is, knows another way in.  So off the group goes to tour Prypiat in all it's decay.  After nearly getting mauled by a radioactive bear, they decide it's time to head back to the van and get the hell out.

This is where things go wrong.  Apparently, someone has disabled the van.  OH NO!  What's going to happen?  Standard creature fare ensues.  What's stalking them?  Beats me.  Mutated people or something.  It's never explained.

The point is, I REALLY wanted to like this one.  I actually thought that the film was shot in part there, but apparently it was actually shot in parts of Serbia and Hungary and then CGI was used as set extensions and to add the appropriate buildings and reactors!  They had me fooled!  Aside from the suitably creepy cinematography, sadly I found this to be quite lacking.  Not horrible....just....lacking.

Final Score:
Two out of Five Pizza Rolls

Gator Bait - Playboy Swamp Princess a Go Go

'Gator Bait
1974
Directed by Beverly & Ferd Sebastion
Written by Beverly Sebastion
Starring Claudia Jennings, Sam Gilman & Sam Thurman



Tag Lines:

Unless they get her first... she'll never let them out alive!

Swamp Behind -- Hell Ahead!

Untamed and deadly, she ruled the swamp with a BLAZING GUN and a LUSCIOUS SMILE.

Half Animal.. All Woman

Alternate Titles: 


Alligaattoriansa (Alligator Trap) - Finland
Blodhævn  (Blood Feuds) - Denmark
Destemida e Audaciosa (Audacious and Fearless) - Brazil
Isca Perigosa (Dangerous Bait) - Brazil  (Alternative Title)
Hetzjagd im Sumpf (Hunt in the Swamp) - West Germany
Η αγριογατα (The Wildcat) - Greece
Les marais de la haine (Swamps of Hatred) - France

Releases:
Theatrical:  USA - June 1974:     Denmark - March 1977
VHS:  Paramount Home Video
DVD:  Panama Films

Unfortunately, no screen caps to go with this review.....I may be able to add them in later, but I've already lost too much time and not updated in a half a month.  But I digress......

I remember seeing Gator Bait in the aisles of Video Paradise and then later on in the local Blockbuster Video....and there was something (besides Claudia Jennings scantily clad) that really piqued my interest.  I've got this soft spot for swamp movies.  I dunno why, but I do.

Gator Bait start with good ol' boys Deputy Billy Boy (I'm not making that up) and Ben out in the swamp, waiting for the "Cajun Swamp Rat" Desiree to come collect a gator she trapped.  See Desiree and her brother and sister live in the swamp by themselves.  Sure trapping gators is illegal, but the sheriff just kinda turns a blind eye to it.  Not Billy Boy and Ben though....oh no.  They decide that they are gonnna get them some.  They figure they'll threaten Desiree with jail, unless she makes with the sexual favors.  Desiree leads them on a chase and after getting some swamp snakes tossed at him, Billy Boy accidentally shoots Ben in the head.

Billy Boy runs back to town and tells his Dad (Sheriff Joe Bob Thomas!  Seriously, that's his name!) that Desiree did it.  Well, that starts the whole mess.  Sheriff Joe Bob and Deputy Billy Boy then inform Ben's father and brothers of his demise.  They form a posse and go on the hunt for Desiree....which quickly goes sour.  Mostly because Ben's brothers are a bunch of horny bastards that view women as little more than fuck toys.

Everything is going more or less okay, until they come across Desiree's shack.  She's gone, but her siblings are there.  The good ol' boys take her sister hostage and just as Ben's brother Pete is about to rape her younger sister, other brother Leroy knocks him out of the way and then proceeds to blast her in the vagina with his shotgun.  WTF?!!??!???  Well, Desiree's brother escapes and warns her what happened (even though he's mute).  From that point it's full on war.

Of course Desiree knows these swamps like the back of her hand, giving her the advantage over these bumbling red necks who, half the time, can't stop bickering among themselves long enough for formulate a real plan of attack.  The entire movie takes place in the swamp save for the one scene where Deputy Billy Boy goes to get Sheriff Joe Bob.  That's a small town scene.  Everything else?  Swamp.  Lots and lots of swamp.

I'll bet that Claudia Jennings would have been an 80's Scream Queen had she not died in a car crash on Pacific Coast Highway in 1979.......

Midnight Cinephile Totals:

Body Count:  Six! Not bad for a no budget swamp flick!  There's not much in the way of blood and gore...and the bit that there is is pretty cheap looking....but that adds to the charm.

Boob Count:  I was expecting to see far more of Claudia Jennings than we did!  We get a brief view of her assets as she motor boats through the swamp in the initial chase and the rest of the film, she's scantily clad, but far from nude.  Her sister on the other hand (Janit Baldwin) shows us far more.

Beast Count:  No monsters to speak of, other than the despicable Bracken clan.


Final Thoughts:
The best way I can describe this movie is Deliverance meets First Blood.  It is pretty fun to watch Desiree lead these idiots around the swamp to their eventual demise.  You'll be cheering for her the whole way.  If you're a fan of that seventies low budget motif and you like your thrillers southern fried, then you will probably dig Gator Bait!

Final Rating:
Three out of Five Pizza Rolls!

CineBites - The Cyclops (1957)

A cheapie from master schlockmeister, Bert I. Gordon, The Cyclops is a fun little 66 minute time waster starring Gloria Holden and Lon Chaney Jr.  Ms. Holden hires an expedition to search for her fiancee, who's plane crashed three years earlier in the Mexican wild. She believes that he is still alive, and will stop at nothing to find him.  Lon Chaney Jr. has funded the trip, but his motives are much different.  He's searching for Uridium and plans to make his fortune on it.  That same radioactive material is what's causing the local wildlife to grow to enormous size.  Of course they find her fiancee, but he's now a twenty five foot tall Cyclops.  

Sadly, you can really tell that Chaney's alcoholism was in full effect.  Not only is this one of his lesser efforts, but you can really feel the difference in his acting.  In the scene in which the four characters are in the plane, you can clearly see that Chaney is sweating bullets while the rest of the actors are perfectly dry.  Chaney's voice was also getting pretty gruff in this film, which is a bit off putting.  This is miles away from his performance in The Wolf Man.

As for the monsters, we see a giant hawk devour a giant rat, two giant lizards battle and of course, The Cyclops himself.  There's also a giant snake that The Cyclops fights.  The special effects are anything but, with Gordon's classic use of rear projection....which makes the monsters semi-transparent.  A lot of people knock his films for this problem, but to be honest....I find it to be part of their charm.

If you've got an hour to kill and you're looking for a cheap and cheesy monster flick, then you can do worse than The Cyclops.  If you are a fan of Chaney, then this film might be a bit of a disappointment, as it is rather heartbreaking watching his downward spiral into alcoholism.  

Three out of Five Pizza Rolls