Monday, June 15, 2015

Bethesda Releases New Trailer for Doom!

If there's one thing that I love almost as much as movies, It's video games.  I've been in love with games since the Atari 2600 days.  Naturally my favorite games are the ones that slant in the horror direction.  One of my longtime favorites has always been the groundbreaking Doom series.  Since ID Software first unleashed it upon the masses in 1993, I've been a massive fan of the Hell on Mars FPS series.  

Those of you who are fellow video game fans know that this is E3 week (for those who may not know, it's the biggest week in gaming) and Bethesda launched it's first ever press conference last night showcasing such amazing looking games as Fallout 4 and Dishounoured 2.  For me, however Doom stole the show.  While this is the 4th game in the series, oddly instead of being titled Doom 4 or even giving it a subtitle, it's simply branded as the original was: DOOM.  

So in case you missed it, here's the new Doom trailer!

Are psyched outta your mind to play Doom again on PS4, XBOX ONE or PC?  

Tuesday, June 9, 2015

Sleepaway Camp III: Teenage Wasteland - Just When You Thought It Was Safe To Camp.....Again!

Sleepaway Camp III:
Teenage Wasteland
D: Michael A. Simpson
W: Fritz Gordon & Robert Hilzik
S: Pamela Springsteen, Tracy Griffith, Michael J. Pollard
Rated R - Approx. 80 Min.
Double Helix Films

 - She's back to Slash last year's record.

Alternate Titles:
Nightmare Vacation III (USA)
Sinister Camp 3 (Brazil)
Bloody Camp 3(Spain)
Dormant Camp 3:  Teenage Waste (Poland)
The Camp of Terror 3 (West Germany)

"Good thing you're dead 'cause in a couple of years your breasts would have been sagging something terrible!"

As I mentioned in the last review Parts II & III of the Sleepaway Camp series were shot back to back in six weeks.  Sure it may mean that it was a bit of a rushed production, but we're not talking about Gone With The Wind here.  The Sleepaway Camp sequels were done fast, cheap and by the seat of everyone's pants and you know what?  I wouldn't have it any other way!

This round we find Angela assuming the identity of an inner city youth (That she runs over with a dump truck in the middle of a large city in the middle of the day!).  Camp New Horizons has been built upon the ruins of Camp Rolling Hill (it's kinda hard to keep a business open when all of your clients end up dead!) and it's mission is to group privileged kids with under privileged kids in an effort to teach diversity and understanding.

The camp is run by an older couple named Herman & Lilly.  Ha ha, get it?  Like as in The Munsters!  As a matter of fact this go around everyone seems to be named either after characters from The Munsters, The Brady Bunch or (strangest of all) West Side Story!  Tony, Maria, Anita, Marcia, Bobby, Peter......they're all here and they're all fodder for Angela!

Herman is played by Michael J. Pollard, who you may recognize from bit parts he played in Scrooged, House of 1,000 Corpses as well as being the voice of Psycho on The Toxic Crusaders cartoon.  He's a dirty old pervert in this flick, so you KNOW he ain't gonna last long!

Also on hand as a counselor is Barney, who was one of the arresting officers during Angela's first killing spree.  He doesn't recognize her due to the fact that she is older and she's had.....erm.....well let's just say surgery, so as not to spoil the first film.  

The campers are split into three different groups (there are 12 campers in all) four per counselor.  This makes it especially easy for Angela to move back and forth between groups, taking out her victims without anyone becoming the wiser.  The body count is up in the teens again as is the flesh on display.  Boobs and blood...ya just gotta have 'em in these types of flicks, ya know?
Just as Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers was a tongue in cheek horror flick, the same goes for part three.  Absolutely nothing in this film should be taken seriously.

So long as you're not looking for anything new in this one, you'll have a good time.  It follows a formula:  Most of the campers are absolutely despicable people that you don't give a rats ass for.  A few are okay and there's usually one or two that are likable (and are usually the final girl).  Angela is still making her quips and one liners with each kill, which are rather amusing.  Such as the quote listed before the review started.

Not as much as in Part II, but there's still a fair amount of blood.

Well, of course!

Angela's hairdo is pretty terrible in this one.....I guess you could say it's monstrous!

The Sleepaway Camp films make for a fine rainy afternoon or even better Friday night with pizza, beer and friends.  If you're a fan of the Friday the 13th flicks, the Meatball sequels or camping flicks in general, there's a high probability that you'll find something to like here.

Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers - Return of the Campy Slasher

Sleepaway Camp II:  Unhappy Campers
D: Michael Simpson
W: Fritz Gordon & Robert Hiltzik
S: Pamela Springsteen,  Renée Estevez, Tony Higgins
Rate R - Approx. 80 Minutes
Double Helix Films

 - ...and they thought it was just another ghost story!
 - When you go camping just take the essentials

Alternate Titles:
Nightmare Vacation II
Sinister Camp II (Brazil)
Bloody Camp II (Spain)
Nightmarish Vacation (Greece)
Angel of Death II (Hungary)
Dormant Camp 2: Sad Campers (Poland)
Eternal Dream Camp II: Unhappy Campers (Russia)
The Camp of Horror II (West Germany)

" Too bad they haven't figured out a way to make french fries nutritious. I'm a NUT when it comes to french fries!"

If you are reading this then I would think that it's safe to assume that you have seen the original Sleepaway Camp.....but in the event that we've got a few stragglers, I will avoid spoiling the shock ending of the first film.  But seriously, if you haven't seen it, you really should rectify that immediately.

Sleepaway Camp II is exactly my cup of tea.  I've got a soft spot for camp movies, especially when they're horror films.  Having grown up and lived in New England my entire life, I've spent a good amount of time in the woods and wilderness and the rustic vibe that these types of films put out just warm the cockles of my heart.  Plus it's just fun to watch teens get slashed up at camp.

Can't have a camp flick without a campfire tale!

Spying on the girls is always fun.......

Now it's going to be impossible to avoid ALL spoilers for the first film, so if you don't want to know ANYTHING, then now would be a good time to stop reading until you're all caught up!

Okay, we good now?


So, we find ourselves at Camp Rolling Hills and Angela (who killed everyone in the first film) is now a camp counselor.  She's been through extensive psychiatric care and rehabilitation and is all better.  Things are going great.  Until she perceives that the teens at camp are misbehaving....then the killings start all over again.  That is the interesting thing with Angela.  Her M.O. is killing kids whom she perceives to be doing bad things:  Having sex, doing drugs, acting like normal teenagers.  That's how so got her nickname in the first film:  The Angel of Death.  She's kinda a holier than thou type when it comes to morals.

Guess it runs in the family!

There's always gotta be at least one attention whore

The kills are all pretty fun.  There's decapitations, hangings, death by battery acid, power name it.  The body count is rather impressive as well.....Angel certainly is not shy about murdering teens!  After a teen is murdered, they're hidden away and to explain their disappearance, Angela states that she had to send them home for bad behavior.  By the end of the film, there aren't a whole lot of campers left and she's still using the same excuse.  It's rather comical.

Sleepaway Camp is played out as a horror-comedy.  Never shying away from the gore, the film also keeps the dialog light and cheesy, especially as Angela quips one liners after (or during) many of her kills.  The film has fun in other ways, for example all the characters are named after popular 80's teen actors.....Molly (Ringwald), Ally (Sheedy), Demi (Moore), Anthony (Michael Hall), etc.  There are two characters named Charlie and Emilio (obviously for Sheen and Estevez) which is kinda cool when you realize that Molly is played by Renee Estevez, their sister!  Speaking of actors having famous siblings, Angela is played by Pamela Springsteen...sister to none other than The Boss himself!  Yep, Bruce Springsteen's baby sister is a slasher!

Smoking is bad for you.  You're FIRED!

Me thinks someone wandered in from a different film....

If you dig camp flicks....especially slasher camp flicks then you'll definitely dig Sleepaway Camp II.  Just know what you're getting into.  This is a low budget slasher flick.  It's MEANT to be silly, stupid and campy.  Pun intended.  The film was shot back to back with Sleepaway Camp III:  Teenage Wasteland, which is kinda cool because the two sequels share a very similar vibe.

Oh yeah, there's plenty of the red stuff flowing here.  As I mentioned before the body count is pretty high.  I don't have an exact number but it's definitely in the teens.  Not bad, Angela!

Ya can't have a camp flick without T&A!  There's plenty of skin on display here, so you boob lovers will be all set.

Just your average camp counselor psychopath knocking off horny young teens!

Getting drowned in the outhouse is a shitty way to go!

Peeping Toms get their eyes gouged out!
I had a hell of a lot of fun with this flick (and it's sequel, which I will cover next).  Both can be found and watched on Netflix streaming (and of course you can rent the discs from Netflix as well) and Amazon Instant Video.  Now if you'll excuse me, I've got some camp songs to learn........

Friday, June 5, 2015

Kung Fury - 80's Action Awesomeness

Kung Fury
D: David Sandberg
W: David Sandberg

S: David Sandberg, Jorma Taccone, Steven Chew 
Not Rated - Approx 30 Min.
Lampray/Laser Unicorns

 - It takes a cop from the future to fight an enemy from the past.

Alternate Titles:
Кунг Фьюри - Russia

"Just then, I was struck by lightning and bitten by a cobra...."
                                                                                         -Kung Fury

Holy shit!  Those two simple words came out of my mouth about fifty seven times within the thirty minute runtime of Kung Fury.  Right out of the gate, it's balls to the wall retro 80's action and awesomeness.  To simply say that Kung Fury is a love letter to 80's action flicks is like saying that beer is good.  It's a pretty generic statement and it does it no justice.

You know how much I love VHS.  You know how much YOU love VHS.  We all love VHS.  Especially the amazing box art.  That box art has been discussed a zillion times here and will be discussed a million more.  If you're over 30 then no doubt, you remember walking down the aisles of your local video store, leering at the lurid box art making promises that it can never hope to keep.  Well, Kung Fury takes all of those broken promises and crams them into a 30 minute 80's action fever dream.

Kung Fury takes place in 1985 and is about a cop that becomes a super-kung-fu-cop after being struck by lightning and bitten by a cobra at the same time (while chasing a mysterious kung fu master criminal who kills his partner).  Holy shit, just writing that last line gave me goose bumps.  After the lightning/cobra combo, he becomes Kung Fury!

I'm not going to give away too much of the plot here because quite frankly, you've just gotta experience this for yourselves!  I could tell you all about encounters to machine gun toting, dinosaur riding viking women or Laser Raptors (you know...Velociraptors who shoot muther-fucking laser beams from their eyes!), but you really just have to see it for yourself.  I could tell you about Kung Fury's partner, Triceracop....a anthropomorphic bipedal British dinosaur cop, but honestly I can't even begin to do it justice.  There's even a gawddamn 80's style animated segment!

Not only do I not want to give too much away in the review, but this is going to be a complete nightmare for me getting screen shots.  I wanna show you EVERYTHING.....but I don't want to ruin the amazingly awesome awesomeness of awesometivity that is Kung Fury.  I will tell you this much, we're introduced to KF when a Laser Unicorn arcade machine comes to life (Transformers style) and starts fucking up town hardcore.  Kung Fury rides into the rescue fighting the unruly arcade machine across the city before finally putting a bullet in it's CPU.  WHOLE-LEE-SHIT!

You can count me among the legion of growing fans of writer/director David Sandberg.  I can't wait to see what he has up his sleeve next!  Meanwhile I'm going to go and watch Kung Fury fifty more times today.  You should do the same!

Gore?  You want gore?  We got ya covered!  Multitudes of exploding heads, exploding bodies and a body sliced in half all kinda other groovy effects!

Sorry gang, nobody gets nekkid here.

So many creatures and things here!  Killer Arcade Machine, Laser Raptors, T-Rex.....and more!

Final Thoughts
Go and watch this film IMMEDIATELY!  GO!  NOW!

Seriously, stop reading this and go and watch it.

Saturday, May 23, 2015

I Was Bitten: The Walker County Incident - Cryptid Curiosity

As you may or may not know, it's Monster Week on Animal Planet.  Well, at this point it's the tale end of Monster Week, which is going to culminate with the premier of a film called The Cannibal in the Jungle....which is apparently about a guy who either survived a cannibal attack in a jungle, or murdered his friends and tried to blame it on cannibals.  Firstly, I'm not sure what the heck that has to do with I'm not sure why that movie would be debuting on Animal Planet.  Secondly....why does THIS get released yet Eli Roth's The Green Inferno languishes in distribution hell?  WHY? 

Anyway, as I was watching a marathon of Monsters & Mysteries in America today (what can I say, I'm a sucker for poorly recreated supernatural events!) and I saw a commercial for I Was Bitten.  I was intrigued to say the least.  I told the Mrs. about it and we tuned in at 7pm (Eastern Standard) and settled in for what we thought was going to be a two hour documentary about a dude that had a close call with some sort of cryptid. 

The show focuses on a man named Daniel who claims that he was attacked by an unknown creature while he was out in the woods one day.  His wife, Krsytal (as well as his mother and step-father) is worried about him because he's been acting rather strange.  He's become completely obsessed with finding this mystery critter and making sure that he and his family are safe.

We follow along as Daniel becomes more and more obsessed as his health seems to decline slightly.  His wife convinces him to go to the hospital to get checked out and have some tests run.  The doctor states that she cannot identify the animal that bit him from the bite marks.  The doctor also suggests that Daniel see a psychiatrist to help him work through the obvious PTSD that he's going through.  He does go to see a hypnotist at one point, hoping to help him remember some of the details that are a bit fuzzy.  The session does not go well, when Daniel becomes agitated.

************************SPOILER WARNING**************************************

I've gotta say that they had me going along hook, line and sinker.  While I won't spoil the end of this "special", I will say that I was very surprised by the end, which immediately signaled that this entire documentary had indeed been fictional.  Quite impressively, both the Mrs and I thought we were watching a bona-fide Animal Planet documentary right up until the last 10 seconds!  Sure, there were moments here and there that had me questioning exactly what in the hell was going on, but goddamned if it didn't come out of nowhere and smack me upside the head! 

Having said that, it's very well done and I'll admit that I became invested in Daniel & Krystal and their life and truly wanted to see Daniel get the help he needed while simultaneously hoping to catch a glimpse of the mystery beast. Turns out, it was all a great bit shame!  Fool me once......

Cie la vie, as they say.

Monday, May 11, 2015

The Houses October Built - Extreme Screams

The Houses October Built
Directed by Bobby Roe
Not Rated - Approx 91 Min
Room 101/Foreboding Films


Alternate Titles:

Waaaaaaaaaaay back in October, I had James Harris aka Doc Terror on the MC Podcast and we discussed this film.  I had not seen it at that point, but you can bet your sweet ass that I was intrigued.  About a week after the podcast aired, I finally got a chance to sit down and watch the film on Amazon Streaming.  Sort of.  See, that was the month that I also found out that the useless internet service provider (HughesNet...which is my ONLY option deep in the woods of New Hampshire, apparently) only allows me 20GB of data a month.  That's what $130 gets me.  Useless.  I got about halfway through the film and then my bandwith was cut down to just about nothing and had to wait a week and a half to get service back, by which point my digital rental had obviously expired.  But anyway....I'm sure you don't really care about my internet problems, so let's get on with the film review, shall we?

I finally got around to picking up Houses on Blu Ray a while back and I watched it as a double feature with Digging Up The Marrow and I've gotta say, it paired quite nicely.  The film is another found footage flick, but it plays more like a documentary than anything else for most of the running time.  It revolves around five friends who rent an RV and set out on a quest the week before Halloween to find the most "extreme" haunted house.

Things begin predictably as they go to a few run of the mill haunt locations and see your standard actors dressed as clowns and creepy masked characters.  The haunts themselves while fun are nothing that impresses the group.  They begin to here of a group called The Blue Skeleton which has no designated location, and travels around from year to year.  The only way to find this mysterious haunt is to be invited.

After sniffing around, asking some questions and pissing off some of the local backwoods scare actors, they pick up the trail of The Blue Skeleton....or rather....The Blue Skeleton picks up on them.  A series of bizarre and freaky occurrences begin to plague the group as they make their way towards their ultimate fate.  A video appears online in a haunt forum depicting the entire group sleeping in their RV.  What looks like an animal heart is left in their refrigerator.  Halloween masks are left on their windshield wipers and lots of other stuff that would have had me sayin "Aw, HELL NO!" and getting the heck out of dodge.  But of course if our heroes did that, then there wouldn't be much of a movie, would there?

I must say that it doesn't paint scare actors in a very positive light.  I've never worked directly as a scare actor at a haunt, but I did work very closely with a haunt one year when  I developed a gothic illusion show (back in my magic days) to entertain the crowds in conjunction with the haunt.  I met all the scare actors and they were all really great people.  I never came across one who seemed mentally disturbed to me.  Granted that was at just one haunt....and I'm sure that there are some seriously messed up hombres and hombrettes (I just invented another new word!) out there who are scare actors....but this kinda made it look like they were all a few scoops short of a milkshake if ya catch my drift!

No "real" gore, but plenty of make up gore at the various haunts they go to.


Tons of ghouls, goblins, ghosts and fucked up clowns at the various haunts!

I've always had a soft spot for haunted houses and other haunted attractions, so I had a really good time with this one.  I'm also a sucker for road trip movies of pretty much any kind so that scratched that itch as well.  As far as found footage flicks go, it goes pretty easy on the shaky camera, so if you're the type that gets motion sickness from FF films, then you should be okay with this one.  Definitely worth checking out....especially in October before you go to some local (Or NOT local) haunts!

Midnight Cinephile Podcast Episode 5.5

Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeey kids!

Episode 5.5 of the Midnight Cinephile Podcast is live!  My apologies for being a day late....sometimes you just can't fight the flying fickle finger of fate, know what I mean?  Better late than never though, I say!

It's another .5 episode which means it's a half hour of terror tunes, spooky sounds and maniacal music.  I hope you enjoy listening as much as I enjoyed putting it together!

As always, you can listen right here on the website, download via the RSS feed, download from iTunes or you can download it right off of LibSyn!

Until next time.....Stay Spooky!

Monday, May 4, 2015

Midnight Cinephile Episode V: The Cinephile Strikes Back

Okay, so this episode has nothing to do with Star Wars, but's Episode V....when am I going to be able to use that again?

At long last Midnight Cinephile Episode V is upon us.  As I mentioned last week when I put up episode 4.5, we've been making some tweeks and adjustments and playing a bit with the format.  I think you're gonna dig what we've come up with so far.

In this episode two new segments make their debut:

Pixilated Horrors:
Taking a look at horror in gaming.  Could be any console...could be PC....but each week we'll take a look at a spooky little bit of gaming goodness.
This week, I take a look back at an obscure game for the NES called Monster Party.  It's a fun little romp with lots of zany monsters and a ton of fun.

Monster Mag Time Warp:
Each episode I take a look at a monster/horror mag from the past and review it's contents.
This week I take a look at Fangoria #12...the April/May issue from 1981!  We read Bob Martin's editorial regarding the gore in the magazine as well as take a look at some "Upcoming Movies" reported in the "Monster Invasion" segment.  Don't miss it!

On top of these two segments, of course is the meat 'n' potatoes of the mag.....where we talk film!  I'm joined this week by my lovely wife as we discuss The Babadook, From A Whisper To A Scream, Cellar Dweller and Lucio Fulci's The Beyond.

Like candy for the ears!  You can listen here online or follow any of the following download links!

Stay Spooky!

You can also download from LibSyn HERE
Follow The RSS Feed on the upper right corner of the page
Or listen using the player at the bottom of the page!

Monday, April 27, 2015

Midnight Cinephile Episode 4.5

Hey Gang!

Exciting News!
Midnight Cinephile's podcast is back and better than ever!  Even MORE exciting is that it will be coming to you EVERY WEEK!  We've been playing around with the format a bit and found a way to bring you content every single darned week.

Starting this week, we're introducing the ".5" episodes, which are going to be 30 - 60 minute episodes that are going to bring you some Spooky Sounds and Terror Tunes as well as news, updates, perhaps a few insights and other fun bits of aural candy.

On the the next week will be a full episode, discussing films & tv as well as music, books, comics, video games and anything else that happens to catch our fancy.

I hope you enjoy and I welcome any and all feedback!

Drop me an email at and I'll read your feedback on the air.
or record and MP3 and send it to the same email and I'll play your MP3 on the air!

You can listen to the podcast by clicking the play button below, or use the player on the upper right hand side of the page. 

You can download from Liberated Syndication HERE
You can also download from iTunes!


Friday, April 24, 2015

Muck - Night of the Albino Booby Bandits

D: Steve Wolsh
W: Steve Wolsh

S: Lachlan Buchanan, Puja Mohindra, Bryce Draper
Not Rated - Approx 90 Min.
WithAnO Productions

 - The Lucky Ones Are Already Dead

Alternate Titles:


"How can to take a piss at a time like this?"

 Okay.  This is going to be a bit of a challenge for me.  I'm going to be completely honest and up front with you:  I hated this movie.  I try my best not to be negative and if you've read Midnight Cinephile for any length of time you know I take a firm stance against movie bashing.  So I am going to go ahead and try and review this film without harping on the negatives too much.  Bear with me.

Our "Heroes"

We start out with a bang as a group of friends come crashing out of some boggy marshes.  First out is a chick wearing a bra & panties and heavy rubber fishing boots.  Her friends soon join her.  One of them is clearly pretty seriously injured.  It's unknown what the hell happened because they are all spouting and shouting lines like "What the fuck WAS that?" and "OH NO!  Tony's dead!"  Who's Tony?  I have no idea.   But apparently he died a gruesome death.  Also somebody named Ava is still out in the marshes and who knows what's happened to her.  Roll the opening credits.  And we get our first gratuitous booby shots.  I guess it's supposed to be Ava romping around the swamp wearing only panties.

Only 5 minutes in.  Boobs.

Shower Boobs.

Playboy Playmate Boobs.  That you never really get to see.  

Our intrepid heroes (?) just happened to have stumbled across a vacated vacation home.  Oh yeah, this takes place on Cape Cod....not that it matters.  They bust into the vacation home, raid the liquor cabinet, whine about being in danger and act like idiotic 20-somethings.  Steve...or Bobby...or whatever the hell his name is....the seriously injured guy......keeps trying to get in blondie's pants.  Cause you know....that's what I'd be thinking about when I'm bleeding out.

One of the guys "goes for help".  I put that in quotation marks because nobody has a cell phone....apparently they were lost in the bog.  So he's gonna run into town and find a phone.  Not to call the cops...oh no....he's going to call his cousin.  Now here's the thing......we still don't know what the hell has happened, but we know that one dude is dead and another is dying.  So calling your cousin for a ride is the obvious answer, right?  He doesn't even call his cousin straight away.  He heads straight for a bar, walks in and sees a bunch of supermodel looking ladies sitting having drinks. So he goes in the bathroom and washing himself up and turns his shirt inside out to hide the blood and dirt and such.  He then saunters on up the the bar, flirts with a girl, buys her a shot and a drink and THEN asks to use to her phone.

Unhappy Boobs. 
Random Girl Boobs

Meanwhile back at the house, bald albino fellas carrying hatchets, tomahawks and other sharp pointy instruments of ouch start taking out the remaining friends.  Blondie takes a shower.  Boobs.  Brunette gets attacked.  Boobs.  Noah's cousin is hanging out with two well endowed girls.  Cue 5 minute montage of Playboy Playmate Jaclyn Swedberg trying on various bras and panties from Victoria Secret's Angel Line.  And she never actually shows her boobs.  Seriously?  You get a Playmate to be in your movie and she doesn't show her boobs?  My guess was lack of budget for expensive boobies.  Whatever.

Anyway, as Mr. Hero runs back to the house, he STOPS to watch a random girl undress through her window.  Boobs.  Are you seeing a pattern here?  Boobs.  Breasts.  Tits.  Hooters, Jugs, Milk Cans, Melons, Knockers, Fun Bags, Dirty Pillows......there are a metric shit ton of boobs!  I haven't seen that many boobs since I found my Dad's Playboy collection as a kid!  As terrible as this movie is....the writing the know what's impressive?  Steve Wolsh managed to convince a hell of a lot of girls to show their boobs to the camera.

Bloody Boobs.

Scared Jiggly Boobs

There's fighting between survivors and albino rapist murderers.  The film makes the bold exclamation that it is a return to old school horror with old school gore effects, but to be honest more often than not you're just seeing a bunch of  blood flying around from off screen.  There's some other stuff that sort of happens but none of it makes a damn bit of sense.  I really, wanted to like this film.....I can get past terrible dialog, movie logic and massive plot holes....but to me this just comes across as misogynistic wank material for "aggro" young men.

Bra.  Check.  Panties.  Check.  Giant Rubber Boots,  Check.  

Kane Hodder:  Albino Booby Bandit 

Allegedly this is meant to be the second film in a trilogy, which is why the film starts and ends in abrupt ways that make no sense.  The Star Wars formula is just not working for this.  First of all, Star Wars had enough exposition where you could be put in the "Middle" of the story and you were given enough to follow along and the story would unfold naturally.  Worked beautifully.  Not to mention, it was made in such a way that even if Episodes I - III or Episodes VII - IX were never made, it would be okay because it was a complete story unto itself.  This just plunks you down in the middle of a clusterfuck and never takes the time to unfuck it.  But it does have boobs.

There's plenty of grue getting thrown around but it doesn't look like blood so much as just sticky black gunk.  Or Muck.  Maybe that was intentional......

If you love boobs, you've hit the mother load.

Yes, there are the aforementioned albino boob loving rape monsters.

I really wish that I could recommend this one to you.  If you come across it on Netflix and the Mrs. is out of town....then sure.....give it a go.  Otherwise steer clear.